I have this assignment for my Visual/Gestural class due when I get back from Spring Break. We have to lip-sync for a minute and 30 seconds to a song of our choice. I find this very disconcerting. Don't get me wrong, my music knowledge probably dwarfs everyone's in the class. It's the sheer fact that I do have so much music at my fingertips. I even dug out some vinyl stuff in the back of my closet! Yeah, I know it's weird for someone my age to have vinyl...call it--an unhealthy obsession.
The song 'Bad Reputation' seems to be the one I've settled on. Then I think about 'Strobe light' and 'Rock lobster' by the B-52s. I'm not sure which one of these songs makes me laugh more. I just remember in 'Strobe light' the line that goes: "And then I'm gonna kiss your....PINEAPPLE!!"
So how, I think this is totally not appropriate for class. For some reason, which is beyond me, this program attracts a lot of freaky-Jesus people. They may all have a heart attack or something.
A sense of accomplishment is the best feeling in the world. No kidding. One week a go I had a huge to-do list with, can you believe it, 55 things listed! Since Friday, I've managed to get that down to 35 things. I'm pretty confident that I can get it all done. The hardest ones are out of the way. Yeah, I'm really enjoying this feeling.
Other things that you should know that aren't on my to-do list:
My cat is dying. I'm taking him to the vet tomorrow, it's probably cancer. I'll probably have to have him put to sleep. I am sad about this.
Wednesday was Ash Wednesday. Everyone who saw me kept, "Hey, you have something on your forehead"-ing me.
Lent has begun. I've decided to give up eating junk food. I am destined to fail.
I haven't talked to Phil in about for...I don't know, but it feels like awhile.
I got an email from a girl I haven't talked to in a year. I don't like her.
I saw Allen today. My heart was in my throat the entire time. I tired to play it cool, but failed miserably. His wife was there too. 0 for 2, I'd say.
Ok, so my Spring Break really started 2 days agos. I have big plans for this break too. All of which include doing things that I hate to do: cleaning and sorting.
Ever since the start of February, I've been feeling more...creative. But I don't really think that's the right word for what's going on. Lemme work on some stuff and I'll come back to that thought.
I just decided that I want a blue dragon some where on my side. Phil's already about to have an attack because I'm thinking about getting stuff pierced. He's such a Capricorn.
I feel really bad lately. I've been really self-absorbed. I've gotten a chance to read Christina's blog, only to find out that Pete was acting like a major jerk-o-holic. So I have the following things to say on Christina's behalf:
Pete would be so lucky to find another person like Christina.
Christina is right, she can do better.
Christina should just smile and know that Pete will probably compare every other girl he dates to her.
Christina should become a dating machine now, she deserves it.
If Christina didn't get more out of the breakup other than a good vocal workout from all the fighting, then she's luckier than most.
Seriously though, sorry I've been a bad friend and haven't emailed you about this. My advice to you now: Try to hook up with the guy from your class and wait for the "six month call" .
I've essentially stayed up for the past 4 days and nights, with about 13-15 hours sleep total. I feel like I'm going out of my mind. Shower and then sleep.
I was actually fairly busy this weekend, which is more of a surprise to me that it probably is to you. But with all the running around and stuff this weekend I managed to get in one very excellent conversation with Phil. I think he's going to try and get a company transfer down to Texas, so that we can spend the last year of my program together. He's also informed me that Japan is not in the picture any longer. The Japan thing kinda makes me sad. Mainly because I was to travel to so many places and Japan was one of them.
I also kinda pushed him on the $75 wedding thing again. This time, he actually told me why it's a no-go for him. He says that I deserve better than a Vegas wedding. That could be true, but I'm not the type to have ice sculptures and open bar either. I'm telling you right now, it's gonna be small wedding--followed up by punch and pie at the reception. No big whoop.
I've been thinking about something. What makes a person want to be better than they are? Is like a light switch? When do other people notice that you're striving for it? What if no one ever notices, does that mean you failed; or that they just merely failed to see you for what you've become.
I only ask because of something that Phil said to me earlier this week. We were discussing something utterly unimportant when I responded by saying, "well, that's not the kind of person that I want to be. I want to be better than that." Then he told me that I was cool. "cool" because I told him I wanted to better than I was. how is that cool? I didn't tell him I wanted to be a better person to illicit some sort of response. I said what I said because at the time it was true. It still is true.
I don't want people, especially someone that I'm trying to make a life with, thinking that I've run off with delusions of grandeur. I really think that everyone wants to be better than they are right at this second. No one should ever be satisfied with themselves. But by the same token, you can be happy with where you are in your life. I guess that's where I am right now. I'm happy with my life right now, but I want to be more. It is also very possible to feel you are the best at what you're doing and hate your place in the world.
If you don't want to be more than you are at this very moment then why are any of us here on earth? You can't tell me that it's just the way things happen. Whatever. So my challenge to you, dear readers, be more than you are right now--any way possible. Just be better.
