I have this assignment for my Visual/Gestural class due when I get back from Spring Break. We have to lip-sync for a minute and 30 seconds to a song of our choice. I find this very disconcerting. Don't get me wrong, my music knowledge probably dwarfs everyone's in the class. It's the sheer fact that I do have so much music at my fingertips. I even dug out some vinyl stuff in the back of my closet! Yeah, I know it's weird for someone my age to have vinyl...call it--an unhealthy obsession.
The song 'Bad Reputation' seems to be the one I've settled on. Then I think about 'Strobe light' and 'Rock lobster' by the B-52s. I'm not sure which one of these songs makes me laugh more. I just remember in 'Strobe light' the line that goes: "And then I'm gonna kiss your....PINEAPPLE!!"
So how, I think this is totally not appropriate for class. For some reason, which is beyond me, this program attracts a lot of freaky-Jesus people. They may all have a heart attack or something.
A sense of accomplishment is the best feeling in the world. No kidding. One week a go I had a huge to-do list with, can you believe it, 55 things listed! Since Friday, I've managed to get that down to 35 things. I'm pretty confident that I can get it all done. The hardest ones are out of the way. Yeah, I'm really enjoying this feeling.
Other things that you should know that aren't on my to-do list:
My cat is dying. I'm taking him to the vet tomorrow, it's probably cancer. I'll probably have to have him put to sleep. I am sad about this.
Wednesday was Ash Wednesday. Everyone who saw me kept, "Hey, you have something on your forehead"-ing me.
Lent has begun. I've decided to give up eating junk food. I am destined to fail.
I haven't talked to Phil in about for...I don't know, but it feels like awhile.
I got an email from a girl I haven't talked to in a year. I don't like her.
I saw Allen today. My heart was in my throat the entire time. I tired to play it cool, but failed miserably. His wife was there too. 0 for 2, I'd say.
Ok, so my Spring Break really started 2 days agos. I have big plans for this break too. All of which include doing things that I hate to do: cleaning and sorting.
Ever since the start of February, I've been feeling more...creative. But I don't really think that's the right word for what's going on. Lemme work on some stuff and I'll come back to that thought.
I just decided that I want a blue dragon some where on my side. Phil's already about to have an attack because I'm thinking about getting stuff pierced. He's such a Capricorn.
I feel really bad lately. I've been really self-absorbed. I've gotten a chance to read Christina's blog, only to find out that Pete was acting like a major jerk-o-holic. So I have the following things to say on Christina's behalf:
Pete would be so lucky to find another person like Christina.
Christina is right, she can do better.
Christina should just smile and know that Pete will probably compare every other girl he dates to her.
Christina should become a dating machine now, she deserves it.
If Christina didn't get more out of the breakup other than a good vocal workout from all the fighting, then she's luckier than most.
Seriously though, sorry I've been a bad friend and haven't emailed you about this. My advice to you now: Try to hook up with the guy from your class and wait for the "six month call" .
I've essentially stayed up for the past 4 days and nights, with about 13-15 hours sleep total. I feel like I'm going out of my mind. Shower and then sleep.
I was actually fairly busy this weekend, which is more of a surprise to me that it probably is to you. But with all the running around and stuff this weekend I managed to get in one very excellent conversation with Phil. I think he's going to try and get a company transfer down to Texas, so that we can spend the last year of my program together. He's also informed me that Japan is not in the picture any longer. The Japan thing kinda makes me sad. Mainly because I was to travel to so many places and Japan was one of them.
I also kinda pushed him on the $75 wedding thing again. This time, he actually told me why it's a no-go for him. He says that I deserve better than a Vegas wedding. That could be true, but I'm not the type to have ice sculptures and open bar either. I'm telling you right now, it's gonna be small wedding--followed up by punch and pie at the reception. No big whoop.
I've been thinking about something. What makes a person want to be better than they are? Is like a light switch? When do other people notice that you're striving for it? What if no one ever notices, does that mean you failed; or that they just merely failed to see you for what you've become.
I only ask because of something that Phil said to me earlier this week. We were discussing something utterly unimportant when I responded by saying, "well, that's not the kind of person that I want to be. I want to be better than that." Then he told me that I was cool. "cool" because I told him I wanted to better than I was. how is that cool? I didn't tell him I wanted to be a better person to illicit some sort of response. I said what I said because at the time it was true. It still is true.
I don't want people, especially someone that I'm trying to make a life with, thinking that I've run off with delusions of grandeur. I really think that everyone wants to be better than they are right at this second. No one should ever be satisfied with themselves. But by the same token, you can be happy with where you are in your life. I guess that's where I am right now. I'm happy with my life right now, but I want to be more. It is also very possible to feel you are the best at what you're doing and hate your place in the world.
If you don't want to be more than you are at this very moment then why are any of us here on earth? You can't tell me that it's just the way things happen. Whatever. So my challenge to you, dear readers, be more than you are right now--any way possible. Just be better.
Dee keeps reminding me that for 75 (+ the cost of a marriage license) bucks we can ride the coat tails of her wedding in June and have Elvis and the Vegas showgirls marry Phil and me. I've since brought this up a couple of times to Phil and he's not going for it. I say we go for it, because it goes against everything we've ever had in mind for a wedding. Granted, I have to return to Texas after we're married to finish out my program for ASL interpretation...
Texas has been the recipient of some freak-ass weather over the past 3 days. On Sunday, it was 68 degree. I saw squirrels frolicking and everything. Then, Monday afternoon we got some weird sleet-snow-freezing rain combo. Now, all of our major highways look like skating rinks for 18 wheelers. Classes have been canceled for 2 days. What does it all mean for me? More playstation time. hehe.
When I was in high school, which feels like a million years ago now, I had this Physical Science teacher that would always tell us: "Things don't suck. It's only a difference in air pressure." To this day I still remember her saying that. I can even remember where I sat in the class. Boyd Shannon was my lab partner, as well as my boyfriend the year prior.
But I started thinking about how my life doesn't suck these days...and then it all came back. "It's just a difference in air pressure".
Phil told me last night that he used to plan for sex. This intrigued me; probably because I never knew. Then I started asking him things like: "So did you plan like weeks in advanced?" Apparently, it wasn't long term planning. Phil, on the other hand, finds it rather funny that I'm so interested in his "planning for sex". I think it's the same humor I expressed when I told him that I loved his hair (he's got waist length blonde hair--totally not what I usually go for, but with him it's different.) and love getting lost in it when he takes it out of the ponytail he's always wearing. That's right ladies and gentlemen; I have a "sensitive ponytail man" for a boyfriend.
Being a failure and feeling like one are two different things
Yeah, so lately I've been feeling like I'm failing at everything I do. Maybe I've got too much stuff on my plate. I'm trying to do book Creative Memories classes, be the President for the Sign Language club at school, convince the guy I'm in love with that I'm worth taking a chance on, and all the other crap that takes place everyday.
This is just like the 1st time I was in college. I get too overwhelmed with all the stuff that I want to do, and I neglect the stuff that I need to be doing. It's upsetting to me that I can't be better at managing my time, probably because I work so hard at making time for everything.
The other thing I'm upset about is my first test grade in my last ASL class. I have only this semester left of ASL and I feel terrible. I'm not understanding, there's no vocab. There's not any of the regular understanding going on. But I also realize that this was only the first test and that I've got 5 others to improve my grades. It's...like having a huge library of knowledge accessible to me, but I don't have the right key to unlock the door.
Everything with Phil is going well, which is my one saving grace. And with nothing-terrible going on between us, it makes everything else a lot easier to handle. I think we're both ready to run off and get married. Is that foreshadowing perhaps? hmm....
Me: "You're hot n'stuff." P: "Pardon?" Me:" You. You're hot n'stuff." P: "Is that anything like HR Puff n'Stuff when we were kids?" Me:"Um, no. It's just you're hot....an' stuff" P: (Laughs like the Dough Boy) "That's me. It sounds like I came outta the oven." Me:" Eesh. Nevermind."
Lester wrote an entry that totally encapsulates what I've been feeling too. As most of you know, my great-grandmother's sister is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's disease. It's odd to be thrown into the capacity of caregiver when you don't feel that you can even take care of yourself. But Lester is lucky right now, because of the unknown factor. In his case, it could just be that his father isn't getting enough vitamin nutrition; and that's easily correctable.
This is why I was worried about leaving to move to Michigan. What if something happens to my parents, who aren't even 50 yet, and I'm far away? Who's going to take care of them, make arrangements? My Sister? Yeah, right.
I'm super busy these days. To the point that I cannot remember the last time I showered or even washed my face. Phil and I will be spending some quality time together in a couple of months, and believe you me I cannot wait for that. I think he's just started to realize recently that "dating" when I come to visit won't entail more than checking e-mail and getting naked. Yeah, I know...I should let him take me out at least.
Christina wrote a post about how she's a modern day hippie. I realized that I remember hearing from my Sociology prof years ago, that you will be at your most liberal during your junior year of college. I know it was true for me. I'l have to litmus test Christina's views a few years from now to see if it's true for her as well.
I talked to Phil this weekend. He announced to me that he wants to study in Japan for a year. Then he told me that he had dismissed the idea because he didn't want to be away from me any longer, and the only way he would go is if I went with him. So...looks like I'll be headed to Japan after I've completed my Interpreting program. And before everyone's all: "why would you do something like that? Don't you have to be in the U.S. to be an interpreter of AMERICAN sign language?" Calm down. I'll do anything to support Phil's dream.
Ok, so recently I've noticed that I'm guilty of "accent prejudice". If you don't know what that is...well, I'm not gonna explain to you; mainly because this is where I come to dump all this crap out--my head's too full. Anyway it just bothered me when I noticed this morning.
I was watching Good Morning America, as I got ready to come to school this morning. There was a story about a Southern family who had their family pet (boxer/terrier mix) shot by a police officer. The reason being that "the dog trained on [him]". But from the video that was shown, the dog was wagging his tail and chasing the flashlight the officer was holding (it was dark). So this dog gets shot all because he thinks that the stupid cop is playing with him! And now the cop can't understand why he's been getting death threats and people are mad at him. Um, hi, you shot a dog!
But as the story continued to run, and interviews were held with the officer and with the family of the dead dog I noticed that they all sounded...under-educated. I'll even go as far as to say that when questions were posed to the son, his responses sounded vaguely like responses you would have heard from Forrest Gump.
After thinking all of this, I was mad at myself. I know first hand from working and studying in the interpreting field that strength in language does is not always indicative of intelligence. And it is this "accent prejudice" that makes me question my place in the world of interpreting.
But it also proves something else to me...everyone has a story behind their lives; and not always the one that you have assigned to them. I noticed that I had already pre-decided on several other students (but not the alien abduction girl, I still think that she's weird.) in my interpreting classes last semester. Only to find out this semester that there is a reason for the way they are. But I can't be such a bad person, because I've now recognized that I do this, right?
But I'm sorry; I still have no understanding for the guy who comes to my blog looking for pictures of his sister in the shower. This guy, I feel, needs to find a girlfriend and engage in some HEALTHY role-playing with her.
Did anyone see Thursday night's episode of Conan? This lady, Sue Johansan (sp?), was on. She brought with her sex toys that made Conan blush. A fun time was had by all.
First of all, I want an "accomodater". Second, Conan referred to ol' Sue as a "perverted Macgyver". It was funny.
Monday was the first day of the new semester. I have to be truthful and say that I really wanted to come back as soon as the New Year's was over. Yeah, I missed school that much. Weird.
I've been trying to think about what to post up here, since I've been doing such a horrible job of it the last couple of weeks. But I don't have anything to talk about. And my life has been relatively boring. So, I was planning on making the post really about some loose ends.
Christina, I got your postcard. Thanks.
Paul, I haven't heard from you since before Christmas. Where the hell are you?
Dee, did you see that I-hop is running an all you can on pancakes? I might be in need of that intervention sooner than you thought.
Kelly, dude lay off the pot and she'll talk to you again. It's the pot.
And Mike, I don't really have any loose ends with you. I just wanted to say hi. So....hi!
2. What time is it? 1:23 a.m. (at least that's what my cell phone clock says)
3. What are you wearing? What I sleep in.
4. Any people or animals around you? Describe them. No people. 2 cats are lurking about...I think they're hungry. One cat is white, with an orange looking booger on his nose. He weighs about 25 pounds; he also has the kitty form of leporsy. The other one in a grey tabby. She weighs...a whole lot less. And there is actually a 3rd cat that I can see from where I am that is sitting in front of the telly watching Dr. Who. Smart cat.
5. What are your plans for the weekend? Going to a party, going to Dallas, some unmentionable stuff.
A total load of crap. I got $90 worth of Borders gift cards. Which is great because I needed to buy some textbooks, totaling a litte over $120. I've been trying since Monday to buy these stupid books only to find that Amazon (who Borders has paired up with) won't allow me to use all three cards at the same time. So I'll be headed to school on Monday with no textbooks. One of the books I needed, like, 2 weeks ago! Freakin' bastards.
I also got my cell phone fixed...which in plain english means that I had to buy a new one because mine was "too old". It's not even 2 years old! I hate technology.
Yeah, I may not have textbooks come Monday but I can call anyone in the free world. eesh.
So I called Phil and told him that I need to set up a savings account up there so that I/We'd have money up there waiting for me/us to use to pay deposits and whatnot not when I moved there. I also thought this was a good way to make sure he knew just how serious I was about all of this being together nonsense. My cousin Judy thinks this is a terrible idea.
I was in the middle of using some Nair on my legs, when I started reading the indications. It actually says, "Do not use this product on breast nipples"...can someone tell me what other nipples one might have??
1. Do you wear any jewelry? What kind? Yes. I have 2 charm bracelets (not at the same time) that I wear.
2. How often do you wear it? Since I'm studying to be an interpreter, I can only wear my bracelets when I'm not signing.
3. Do you have any piercings? If so, where? I'm not telling.
4. Do you have any tattoos? If so, where? Yip. I have 4. An ankh on my lower right side of my back, a dolphin jumping outta some blue water in the center of my lower back, a celtic cross on the lower left side of my back. I have a orange, yellow, and blue moon on my ankle. I got the 1st three when when I was 18. I got the last when I turned 22.
5. What are your plans for the weekend? A big steamy pile of nothing.
Well, all the holiday craziness is over and I'm no worse for wear. I'm actually looking forward to getting back to school and doing better than last semester. Although most of my friends balk when I say that, especially after I tell them I had a B average at the end of the semester. But hey, it's healthy to overshoot your goals.
The other cool thing that I've done this break is I've read something like 5 books. Nicholas Nickelby, Far From the Madding Crowd, and Persuasion were among the few that I tackled. My friend Dee got me this book called Looking for Mr. Right. I should send it to Christina (I'm glad she's back, by the way).
Kikpik's Back! Ahhh...finally back form Korea. Its nice to finally be home. Korea was great...but its a trip going to another country. Everything is so...different. Obviously. The streets are narrow...everyone lives in high rise apartments...and people cant drive worth crap. Anyways, gotta go to my dad's grave right now...(we go every new years)...so happy new years to all.
1. What was your biggest accomplishment this year? Hmmm...being supervisor at my work. I was promoted only after a year...and I raised $40,000 for my university. That was really cool.
2. What was your biggest disappointment? Getting a D in philosophy...when I though I was gonna get a B. I was totally bummed...and I felt like an idiot, telling everyone I was doing ok in my class.
3. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions? Yes...my first one is losing 10 pounds. My second one is trying to somewhat move on from Pete...and being patient. Life has its turns...but its all for a reason. ^_^
4. Where will you be at midnight? Do you wish you could be somewhere else? Well, Im writing this after the countdown. I was at a friends house...at his new years party. It kinda sucked.
5. Aside from (possibly) staying up late, do you have any other New Year's traditions? Not one. Actually, during the countdown, me and my roommate Erika were in the bathroom going pee. We kinda forgot it was New Years Eve...we're so stupid. ^_^
